Journaling

Today I finished writing in a journal I’ve had for the past two years. At the beginning it was supposed to be a journal of write letters in for my – back then long distance relationship partner – but after a few months I decided to keep it for myself. I didn’t write in it everyday which is why I was able to keep it for so long.

Whenever I reach the end of a journal I get sentimental. I feel the need of ending it in the right, perfect way. So with the last few pages I put all my emotions and energy in to it and ended it the way I started, by writing to my boyfriend but also with a letter to myself.

The following hours I spent looking for another old journal of mine. It was tucked away in my boxes that I still kind of need to unpack, but that will be done when we have our own place since we don’t have space for everything in there now (but that’s alright, I don’t want to rush.)

I’ve seen people on YouTube read their old journals and oh my goodness, it is so much fun to watch those videos. I wanted to do it too – I don’t mean making a video of me reading my old thoughts, no, but I wanted to read it for myself. And I did.

I am very happy that I decided not to throw away this journal. The ones I had before this one are gone, torn apart and thrown away. But this one I told myself to save.

Reading it was a weird experience but it was fun to see what my focus was back then in 2016 and -17. Lots of anger, heartbreak and a constant search for who I was and wanted to be. Long story short: I am now exactly where I wanted to be.

What will my focus be now? To enjoy myself and my life, as much as possible. To live life to the fullest.