Journaling

Today I finished writing in a journal I’ve had for the past two years. At the beginning it was supposed to be a journal of write letters in for my – back then long distance relationship partner – but after a few months I decided to keep it for myself. I didn’t write in it everyday which is why I was able to keep it for so long.

Whenever I reach the end of a journal I get sentimental. I feel the need of ending it in the right, perfect way. So with the last few pages I put all my emotions and energy in to it and ended it the way I started, by writing to my boyfriend but also with a letter to myself.

The following hours I spent looking for another old journal of mine. It was tucked away in my boxes that I still kind of need to unpack, but that will be done when we have our own place since we don’t have space for everything in there now (but that’s alright, I don’t want to rush.)

I’ve seen people on YouTube read their old journals and oh my goodness, it is so much fun to watch those videos. I wanted to do it too – I don’t mean making a video of me reading my old thoughts, no, but I wanted to read it for myself. And I did.

I am very happy that I decided not to throw away this journal. The ones I had before this one are gone, torn apart and thrown away. But this one I told myself to save.

Reading it was a weird experience but it was fun to see what my focus was back then in 2016 and -17. Lots of anger, heartbreak and a constant search for who I was and wanted to be. Long story short: I am now exactly where I wanted to be.

What will my focus be now? To enjoy myself and my life, as much as possible. To live life to the fullest.

Late night thoughts – from a year ago (9/10/2019)

One of the best things with journaling is in my opinion that once we have written something down we always have the possibility to go back and look at it. I don’t always see how far I have come in my life but looking back at my entries and scribbles helps me with that. It’s also just plain fun to see what I was thinking back then, compared to what I think now.

What’s written here is from a year ago today. Back then I was in London, studying at the Kogan Academy of Dramatic Arts. I remember how special I felt because I was a student there, to think that I had been accepted to their school, wow what a blessing.

Indeed.

Perhaps it was good that I was there – it is, or was, a part of my life and my journey which I consider to be one of the best things in life one could possibly have. Their life journey, I mean.

So this is a bit of a cheers and thank you to my one year ago self who walked the streets of London, working so hard with herself to heal and forgive herself, the past and others. You did great, Moa. Goed gedaan.

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